Things I Have Learned

Just because my car has keyless entry doesn't mean my house does.

Things I Have Learned

Liquid baby formula is not a good substitute for milk in your coffee.

Things I Have Learned

Never taser someone when you are both standing in the same puddle.

Things I Have Learned

If you are going to roll a cart containing nearly fifty one pound bag of beans through a crowded WalMart expect a lot of jokes at your expense.

Things I Have Learned

The words "I need fifty on pump six." are really painful to say.

Things I Have Learned

You can have your cake and eat it too. However, its really gross.

Things I Have Learned

If you go to Wal-Mart and buy a six pack of beer, a shop vac, some personal lubricant, a bottle of Wesson oil, and one of those shiny silver emergency blankets the cashier will not only look at you funny, they'll also go out of their way to avoid touching you when they give you your change.

Things I Have Learned

Never ask a lady,"When is the baby due?" without having prior confirmation that a baby is actually on the way.

Things I Have Learned

Writing fake news is harder than blogging.

Things I Have Learned

The Irish whiskey thats available in America tastes like crap, even a week before St. Patty's day.

Things I Have Learned

Wii controllers and ceiling fans don't mix.

Things I Have Learned

Always make sure the AC is off prior to carrying a naked baby from one room to another.