Sunday, March 26, 2006

New Filthy Lie Assignment: Evil Glenn's Exciting Weekend

To be honest I could not possibly fathom what Darth Glenn would find exiting. Our minds exist on two vastly different planes. I hold true to a higher calling while he is..well...Glen. Do angels know of what demons dream? I think not. Nor should they. So rather than risk my sanity descending the darkest depths of Darth's debauchery I can instead show you how that weekend would begin...

5:59 am arise from brooding on the throne (Evil never sleeps after all)
6:00 am begin cooking breakfast

1 pound butterflies

3 penguin embryos (shells on)

1 cup lemon juice

1 Tbsp of cayenne pepper

½ cup of grits

1 cup of water

De-wing butterflies. Place wings in separate bowl from bodies. Place butterfly bodies in microwave for two minutes. Watch carefully. Once popping stops remove bodies from microwave. Discard bodies.

Place embryos in pants. Once embryos are warm place embryos in blender (shells included) and combine remaining ingredients on high until a paste is formed. Set aside.

In a small pot bring water to boil add grits and cook for 5 minutes then reduce heat to low and cover. Allow to simmer for 5 minutes. Salt and pepper to taste

Take butterfly wing/penguin/pepper paste and rub into the eyes of nearest captive hobo. Relish the screams of pain and note the clawing at the eyes. Photograph, record, or video tape according to taste. Repeat as desired.

Serves 12

Eat the grits.

Serves 1

Leftover wing/penguin/pepper paste can be frozen in a plastic container for later use.